I sometimes fret over what to write as my FB status. The answer to the FB question: "What's on your mind?" is often TMI or just needs too much explanation. I try to be semi-private, weeding out "friends" and ignoring ones that don't quite make the cut when they ask to be friended.
I don't Twitter, but lately some of my thoughts this week are the following:
Seriously, how many days has it gone since you pooped?
The guest bathroom may as well be reserved for butt washing and clothes soaking.
Seriously, how many times can you shit in one day?
Bipolar baby? Yes, I belong to her.
Hi Crazy, how many people did you torment today?
I walked into the relatively calm childcare center at the gym to find the only child screaming bloody murder was mine.
I used to hate this ditzy spin instructor. Now, dancing and singing on a stationary bike is the highlight of my Tuesdays and Thursdays.
Sesame Street is hilarious; Barney I could shoot.
Doesn't it make you tired to be so evil? Take a nap.
She's the only baby with bags under her eyes.
Maybe mellowness is more tiring than jumping, squealing and screaming all day...yeah that's why other babies nap.
The Travelocity gnome is in my head again - "...a dittle dittle dit dit dee, a dittle dittle dit dit do, I need to get out of here...."
My love for salads has been rekindled.
I am doing for pb&j what Jared did for Subway.
Running as fast as you can, for as long as you can, should be reserved for running from the law.
Yes, I've lost weight you moron! I was pregnant last time you saw me.
He said, "You look good for just having had a baby". So if I didn't just have a baby, would I look bad?
She doesn't cry herself to sleep. She cries herself awake.
You bite me with your first tooth, and that will be your last boob.
It's all about survival: They make the bad ones really cute.
I guess crazy is the dominant trait.
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