It took me 8 days to go through the withdrawal symptoms of my running addiction. I've experienced the emotional symptoms similar those that go through heroine or alcohol withdrawal: social isolation, anxiety, lack of concentration, irritability, restlessness, and bouts of depression. I just haven't been myself. I'm not myself. I'm broken.
Most normal (non-runners) probably can't relate. It was stupid what I did...running through all the aches and pains. It's my own damn fault (just like Dale Nielson made me repeat); and I am paying for it. I admit that I probably should have stopped after Leadville, and rehabbed like I said I would (a hundred times).
But I just couldn't stop. Running was everything to me and if I didn't run, I felt like nothing. I had FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) in a big, bad way. That in itself, is a major addiction.
There are 30-40 people that I won't see because I'm not running. Some may say they're not really my friends, but I beg to differ. True, some are not the kind of friends that I hang out with off the track, path, or race circuit, but they are my kind of people. I enjoy spending time with them - catching up, laughing, storytelling, sharing information, meeting new people, all the while running around outside somewhere. There's nothing weird about it.
The truth is that I'd surely meet up and have a beer with most of these people (after the run, of course), but the fact is, we're all busy people. We have lives that include spouses, children, family functions, birthday parties, jobs, vacation, appointments, you name it. The common ground lies in our desire to include running as one of our priorities, a period of time that we schedule just for ourselves. When I combine my running workouts with friends, it is the perfect date.
When I commit to meeting someone at an ungodly hour for an unimaginable number of miles, it's not guilt or accountability that gets my ass there; it's the excitement of hanging out with a friend. Of course after a few hours, misery does love company, and it's comforting being able to suffer together. It's nice to have a pacer, witness, guardian, and someone to share the tough times. It builds friendships.
Even though I'm rarely seen without my running shoes and pony tail, there's nothing I wouldn't do for any of my running buddies, if they asked me - anytime, anywhere.
Except for the time being, I'm not taking any running appointments.
Rest and heal, that's all you can do. Your team is still there for you, I'm sure!
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